Vocaloid Funny Drabbles
by DJ-E Electra L.U.V
Summary: Random funny things that happened to all of the Vocaloids including the Master. I got all the ideas from either shows, YouTube, or by myself. This is extremely random and possibly funny.
1. If Roaches Could Talk

It's was a normal day at the Vocaloid Estate, and Gakupo had just entered the kitchen. He then took out an eggplant flavor hot pocket and placed it on the microwave to heat up.

Meanwhile something small had just entered the kitchen. Gakupo leaned on the counter patiently waiting for his meal, then he turned to his right and saw a cockroach. The purple samurai immediately took out his katana. He slowly approach the roach until...

"Ay, whoa whoa whoa chill with the katana dawg." The roach spoke leaving Gakupo wide eyed shocked, "Mah gosh."

"Are you talking?!" The samurai looked at the roach confused and slowly lowered his katana.

"Yes I'm talking bruh, chill with da sword," the bug said, "Yes, I'm talking chill with the sword dawg."

"How is he talking?! How are you talking??" Gakupo asked in disbelief.

"Cuz I'm not trying to die today! I'm tired of y'all discriminating against us roaches." The roach said with sass.

"Discriminated against roaches?" The boy questioned.

"Nah, nah nah NAH. Don't act dumb we all know humans will kill roaches before they kill any other bug. That's fact. There's a fly on the wall over there, that you saw three hours ago. And you haven't gone for him yet! But as soon as I show up its all Death con 1 up in here! That's not cool!" The roach replied.

"Okay I just don't want you in here," the boy said.

"Oh, oh so this is yours? This is you're abode? This-this 800 square foot claustrophobic inducing estate packed tight with a building with dozens of other units filled with hundreds of people?" The roach mocked, "You pay rent my guy you don't own nothin'!"

"Okay, look you don't have to be rude about it," Gakupo looked at the roach.

"Roaches have been on earth for like 200 million years. Everything was cool than all of a sudden y'all show up and y'all own everything. Huh? You know what? Never mind I'm tired. Jus-just let me go out side that slide door open over there," Gakupo looked to see the slide door open, "How about that? I'll get out of your way. I'll leave we all good?"

"Go ahead," Gakupo motioned his head while staring intently to the bug.

"Appreciate it." The roach thanked and was about to go until the door to kitchen was open and came entered Len.

"What's up bro!" Len greeted until he looked down and saw the cockroach, "Oh my gosh you see that??" Len then stepped on the bug.

" **AHHH!!** " The roach screamed as he got stepped to death by Len.

"Oh ooooo, he almost got away. You see that?" Len turned to Gakupo, who looked down at the stepped bug with wide eyes.

Bonus Scene

All the Vocaloids were surrounding a traumatized Gakupo. "Gakupo, I think you are overreacting about the whole roach can talk incident," Luka sweat-dropped.

"I'm not joking! The roach talked!!" Gakupo cried.

"Ewwww!! That means I stepped on it!" Len furiously wiped his shoe with a rag Rin gave him.

"I think we should get a therapists," Piko sighed as they watched a traumatized Gakupo rocking back and forth on a corner.

"You all need therapist you crazy children!" Master appeared as he walked to the kitchen out of sight. Suddenly the Master yelled, "Oh my goodness! Did you see that? That fat cockroach almost got away!" Master came out of the kitchen looking to the spot where he had killed the other cockroach.

" **NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!** " Gakupo screamed as he high tailed through the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" Master asked, but all the Vocaloids did was sweat-drop.


	2. The Blind Captain

"Good evening everyone and welcome back to _Straight Facts_ with Piko Utatane. I'm Piko Utatane and tonight we have a man who shocked the world. Last week as he became the first ever blind commercial captain. Quickly sparking international interest in becoming the first man to go beyond the limits in this kind of disability." Piko then turned to the man that was sitting right next to him, "Mr. Oliver thank you for being in this show, you look great!"

"Thanks Piko, you too!" There seated was Oliver in his sailor outfit wearing sunglasses.

"Thank you very much I uh..." Piko looked at him confused then smiled. "Um.. So Oliver? Can I call you Oliver?"

"Of course," Oliver grinned.

"Oliver over the past week you have shaken the world in becoming the first blind captain ever. Which is something that everyone including me thinks that's impossible. Can I ask you how do you do it?" Piko asked with curiosity.

"Well, you know that ships these days. They can basically drive themselves!" Oliver smiled.

Piko chuckled, "I guess you're right, but seriously Oliver. What possessed you to become a captain?"

"Well, the fact is all my life people have been telling me that I can't do because I'm blind. You know they say I can't have a favorite color? Or have a girlfriend? And I can't have a pet? And I proved them all wrong!" Oliver said.

"How'd you do that?" Piko squinted his eyes to him suspiciously.

"Well, my favorite color is blue!" Oliver smiled while Piko looked shocked, "And my girlfriend is Kaai Yuki. And I happen to have a pet bird named James!"

"So becoming a captain is just another personal challenge for you to overcome?" Piko said.

"Exactly!" Oliver grinned.

"Okay so what's the process? So I'm assuming you went to sailor school?"

"Yup! I had to learn ships inside and out!" Oliver sighed with a smile.

"But to get your certification you need to log actual ship hours? To practice sailing a ship?"

"That's right!" The blind captain nodded.

"And you did that, you drove a ship. And you passed the driving and everything?"

"Yup!"

"How?" Piko asked with suspicion.

"Well, you don't have to be able to see using the wheel."

"But you do need to be able to see.. To read the instruments and to see where you are and where you are going? Right?" Piko questioned.

"Ha! Well, not for me. No." Oliver still had that smile on his face.

"So how do you know where you are? When you're in the ship?"

"I don't."

"You're serious?!" Piko said wide eyed.

"Piko I can't see! Of course I don't know!" Oliver smiled showing his perfect white teeth.

"Isn't that dangerous?!"

"Well, I never failed to make it to my destination!" The blind captain said smartly.

"That-that's very impressive! But you can't see where you are, you can't see where you're going, and yet you drove ships! I don't see how this is possible!!"

"Guess I'm lucky like that!" Oliver smirked.

"You know how lucky you are to at least drive one ship?! And not to see where you are going?! That's that's like--" Piko looked to his camera man, Ryuto.

"More than ten trillion." Ryuto said while videoing everything.

"More than ten trillion chances to even drive one ship! How many ships have you driven to its destination?" Piko asked his voice getting louder by a second.

"Close to a thousand," Oliver shrugged like it was not a big deal.

"That's impossible!" Piko shouted.

"I don't know what to tell you, but I've done it!" Oliver chuckled.

"I don't believe this," Piko sighed.

"Well, it's true!" Oliver said.

"No I don't believe this!!" Piko shouted shocking Oliver and Ryuto.

"Whoa man! Chill--" Ryuto said but was cut off by Piko.

"Shut up!! I don't even know why we are entertaining this in the first place! Alright, I've gone through 9 years!" Piko looked at both of them angry. "Nine years of hard hidden journalism!! And I am not gonna sit here and let this man lie to me!!"

"But he's blind!" Ryuto said.

"I am blind!" Oliver shrugged.

"He is not blind!" Piko stated.

"But they proved it in a documentary with doctors last week!" Ryuto raised a brow.

"How many fingers am I holding!!" Piko turned to Oliver holding up two fingers.

"Ooo! What are you trying to do?" Oliver laughed.

"How many fingers am I holding up?!?!" Piko repeated but louder.

"Two," Oliver answered.

"Haha!! He could see!! I knew it!!" Piko grinned and turned to the camera man.

"Actually scientifically when other people say how many fingers I'm holding up. They usually hold up two fingers," Ryuto stated scientifically.

"That's true! People usually ask me that all the time," Oliver shrugged.

"You know what I'm done!! I'm done!! Turn the camera off!!" Piko waved his hands in front of the camera. "I'm done!! Everybody just go home!!" Piko stood up angrily making Ryuto look at him shocked.

"Wait really?" Oliver asked.

"Yes really! Everybody go home!!" Piko shouted and was about to leave.

"Hey Piko one more thing?" Oliver asked with a mischievous smirk.

" **WHAT!!!** " Piko screamed and turned to Oliver.

"I like your shirt!" Oliver smiled.

"You motha--" The last thing you knew was that Piko stomped to the smudged Oliver and the screen turned black.


	3. Hangman

It was night time at the Vocaloid Estate and all the Vocaloid boys were having a boys hang out. They were all in the living room watching something in TV, when suddenly it stopped loading.

"Wait what happen?" Rei asked looking at the TV.

"Is the Internet down?" Gumiya asked the rest of the boys.

"Yeah, it's down... Uh somebody gotta restart the router," Nero said as he looked at his phone.

"It's not gonna work if you restart it," Kaito stated.

"Whatcha mean it's not gonna work?" Ted raised a brow towards the blue scarf boy.

"The Internet just goes down sometimes..." Kaito started licking his ice cream.

"It just stops working completely?" Len looked at Kaito in disbelief.

"Yea every Monday it goes down for a while, but then it comes back up," Kaito then finished eating his ice cream.

"But it's Wednesday...?" Rinto said.

"It does it on Wednesdays too," Kaito said.

"Did we get an ATT?" Piko asked Kaito.

"Nah, Master got the cheap plan!" Kaito smiled while the boys looked so shocked. "Y'all wanna play Hangman?" Kaito asked.

"Hangman?" Oliver raised his brow at him.

"You're that bored?" Akaito asked his brother.

"Well, Master doesn't wanna use up that much data." Kaito shrugged.

The next thing you know Kaito was in the front with a board preparing the words, and the boys were surrounding him. "Can we get a hint?" Gakupo asked.

"It's uh.. an event in History!" Kaito said giddily.

"An event?" Piko questioned with a smile.

"Yea.. in History.." Kaito said.

"So this is an event we know, like this is a big event?" Mikuo suspiciously asked.

"I feel like everybody knows this one like you got to, like if you don't then... you dumb..." Kaito grinned.

"Is there an 'S'?" Dell asked.

"Nope!" Kaito then drew the head.

"P!" Rinto said.

"Nope!" Kaito then drew the body.

"P isn't that even common of a letter.." Len looked at Rinto then back to the front. "Try 'T'!"

"No T!!" Kaito then drew the left hand.

"Really?" Ted asked.

"L!" Piko shouted.

"Nope..." Kaito then drew the right hand.

"Wait.. How many guesses do we have left?" Nero asked.

"Two! I'm surprised you don't even have anything yet, like it's not that hard really.." Kaito looked at them while holding in his laughter.

"Are you sure this is a historical event that we all know about?" Yuuma glared at the boy.

"Yes bro!" Kaito sighed.

"A!" Kiyoteru shouted.

"Finally, there you go alright!!"

A_ _A_ _ _ _

"Alright so two 'A's." ZeeU looked at the board carefully.

"Is there an 'I'?" Rook asked.

"Nope!" Kaito drew the left foot.

"E!" Rei shouted.

"Yup! You got an 'E', okay!"

A_ _A_ _ _ E

"R?" Lui said.

"There you go, alright y'all gonna get it now watch.."

AR _AR _ _ E

"Is there an 'O'?" Oliver asked.

"Yup!"

AR _AR O_E

"N!" Ryuto shouted with glee.

"Yup!"

AR _AR ONE

"Y'all still don't know it?" Kaito looked at their confused faces.

"C?" Mikuo asked with hesitation etched on his voice.

"Y'all trash! Nope!" Kaito grinned and drew the right foot. "Mhm.. Dead.." Kaito laughed.

"Wait what was it?" Gakupo asked.

"Y'all ain't never heard of this? Huh how do you not know this everybody knows this bruh..." Kaito then placed the final letter on the words.

WAR WAR ONE

"War War One?" Ritsu said shocked.

"Yes its War War One, War War Two everybody knows!" Kaito smiled.

"It's WORLD War One!" Len corrected and the rest of the boys face palmed, while Kaito was speechless and in shock.

"You dumb!!" All the boys shouted at him.

"I ain't never seen this spelled out all the way," Kaito grumbled.

 **Okay guys hope you enjoy this because there would be a second one too!!! So wait for the second version until then! I do not own the video, I just got the ideas from that. Anyways hope you like!!! I donut own Vocaloid!! XD**


	4. Roadrollers with the Kagamines

Len was in such a happy mood and was on his way to the kitchen to get himself a banana. "'Cause I'm happy! Come along and if you feel a room without a roof! Yeah! Yeah!" Len kept on singing with a bright smile on his face.

But on his way to the kitchen he saw that all the Vocaloids were in the living room. And the worse part was that Gumiya was saying something to Rin and Rin looked like she was gonna cry. Hold up! Never mind she already did!

Len was standing there with rage filled inside of him. How dare he make fun of Rin in front of everyone! "That bastard!" Len growled to himself and instead of going to the kitchen he ran to the garage.

Len opened the door to the garage and took the keys for the road roller. He ripped the covers to the shiny yellow death machine and voila! Behold there laid the Kagamine's beautiful gigantic in all its shining glory!!

Len jumped on the driver's seat and rammed the keys igniting death itself. "Right there!" Len took a glance to a wall that separated the garage and living room. He then looked up front and started backing up slowly making a loud 'beeping' sound.

 _BEEP!!_

 _BEEP!!_

 _BEEP!!_

 ** _~Meanwhile in the living room~_**

 _BEEP!!_

 _BEEP!!_

 _BEEP!!_

"Hey guys? Do you hear that sound?" Ted quietly asked the others, while still watching Gumiya teasing Rin.

"Yeah, that sound really sounds familiar. But I just can't put my finger to it," Kaito squinted his eyes then took a long lick in his ice cream.

"Should we help Rin out?" Miku asked worried for her friend.

Before anyone could respond, the wall that separated the garage and living room was broken down and it revealed the road roller with Len driving it. Of course everyone noticed it except for Gumiya, who had his back faced to it and he was laughing really loudly.

Because they care for their life, Rin and the rest of the Vocaloids ran away before getting crushed. Gumiya took notice of this and was confused.

"Those bastards running away," Gumiya turned around and saw the road roller backing up, "Oh motherf--" The boy couldn't finish his sentence when a loud sound was heard.

 **CRUNCH!!! (A/N: Hey! That's where my Crunch is!)**

Anyways the real sound was...

 **SNAP!!!**

Okay because the author doesn't want to make this a gore and bloody book. I'm just gonna do an example on how it went.

Alright so just imagined as Len and the road roller as a huge motorbike, and Gumiya as a small thin twig. And just imagined the motorbike going so fast and running over the twig. Just like that the twig broke in half.

So there you have it folks that is how Gumiya feels. Len not even knowing that he already run over Gumiya he stopped."Wait what was that sound?!" Len looked behind him and saw nothing. "Guess I'll have to check," Len sighed as he went forward and all the others sighed in relief.

"You know what I'll just go back and check it out there," Len then went back, running over Gumiya again!

As the road roller was crushing the poor guy he managed to let out a cry for help,"HELP ME!!!" The only thing that wasn't flattened again was the arm that Gumiya reached out.

All the other Vocaloids flinched at the boys muffled scream, but luckily Neru had the heart to call an ambulance.

The blond boy than turned of the road roller and got down from it. Instead of checking on what made that horrid sound, Len just ran up to Rin. "Rin are you okay?" Len asked.

'Shouldn't he be saying that to the guy he just flattened a few moments ago!!', that was the thought that went threw all the Vocaloid mind.

"I'm fine Len, thank you! But you should back up from the road roller cause I think Gumiya is--"

"That's right! My mission was to run over Gumiya! Now where is he?!" Len growled, as all the Vocaloids point to where Gumiya is now laying. "Well, it looks like my mission here is done!" Len smiled.

All of a sudden Master came running and saw the whole damage, already knowing about what had just happened since the Kagenes and Rinto and Lenka informed him.

"Len! Do you have anything to say about this?!" The Master shouted glaring daggers to the smiling boy.

"Yep! I regret nothing!!!!" Len gave a smug smile towards Master.

"That's it! To my office this instant Len!" Master ordered, as he and Len started walking to their destination.

Before Len left he shouted to Rin with a charming smile, "I did this all for you Rin!!"

After hearing his choice of words, Rin just stood there blushing madly. Rinto had started backing up front the road roller away from Gumiya's flattened body. That's what he gets for making fun of Rin being flat chested!

Then Gumiya somehow alive shouted to Rin, "I told you he loves you!!' Gumiya laughed not even caring at how messed up he looks.

Suddenly Len came back running in the room and got on the road roller, which Rinto got off a few seconds ago, and ran over Gumiya a few times. Len got off the machine and started running back to the office when Master started yelling for him, but not before giving Rin a wink who is now blushing like a tomato.


End file.
